The Mating Game and How to Play It On August 2, 2011

If you don't want advice, don't read this.
Are you longing for the perfect person to come along? Do you have a picture of him or her in your mind?
I wrote in my journal, "It's kind of sad not to have someone special, but there has to be a void so that that place can be filled. Nature abhorres a vacuum."
A friend gave me a book that helped me along the way to my perfect mate. Yes. It really can happen and it sometimes does. Dapne Rose Kingma's book, Finding True Love has great advice and gives exercises to do to find the perfect person. I was newly divorced at the time a friend gave me this beautiful little book. One night I picked up her book and began reading. I had recently started keeping a journal and so I kept all the exercises she put in the book and I did them in order. I also used my recently learned Feng Shui expertise to get my home ready for the perfect person - not really thinking one would come along very soon.
I continued my spiritual practices of prayer, reading and meditation. I was perfectly content and not really looking for anyone. Occasionally I went with friends to singles dances. They were fun, but I never met anyone who was even slightly interesting to me.
I made a list of the qualities I wanted in a love relationship as suggested in the above book. My list went like this:

1. The same spiritual philosophy
2. A good sense of humor
3. Has the same ethics and values I have
4. Interested in a healthy life style
5. Lives at the beach

The list goes on and amazingly I found someone with ALL the qualities I had on my list. I met my current husband, Bill at a church conference and the rest is history. If the person you are interested in doesn't have all the qualities you want, can you live with that? Bill also said, "You have all the qualities that are on my list."
My advice is probably not so different from others, but I do look at it from another perspective.

1. Don't get physically involved until you've established a friendship. "You've got to be kidding! You say. I'm not kidding. Once you're physically involved it's very hard to call an end to a relationship.
2. Don't rush into things. Take it slow and easy. There are exceptions to the rule, but do you want to risk it?
3. Be on the same spiritual path. This makes sense, but many think that it will all just work out if you're in love. It usually doesn't. Love can go as quickly as it came.
4. Don't think you can change the person you see as "almost" perfect, if only... People don't change that much. There are always flaws. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies. Can you live with the little things that you know will bother you? Those little things can turn into big things over time.

That's why it's so important to get to know the person you think you may want to spend your life with. Find out if you share the same interests and have similar views, like to do the same things and have the same spiritual philosophy. I repeated spiritual philosophy because it is such an important part of my life.
Good chemistry can be deceiving. A touch can be electric. That doesn't mean he or she will be the perfect life partner for you. To reiterate, give it time and thought before taking the plunge.
Oprah once said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Oprah is a hero of mine. She is right on the mark on this one.

Posted in: Asian guy